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from the start.

2008-06-11 10:35 p.m.

Razzle-Dazzle all a Frazzle

This would be funny if it wasn�t so scary. I tell ya. I�m going to find a cave, grow me some fruits, veggies and beans. I�m going to boil my water and cook my beans over a campfire.

Remember when we looked at the cheap transistor radios from the 1950s and 60s and knew that they would only last six months or so because they came from China? We may want to start rethinking that.


We, (Terry and I) have just discovered a new comedy show. It is called the Bill Engvall Show. It has already been on for one season but we just found it this past week.

It is funny, clever, well written, and unique. How is it unique? It is, are you ready for this? It is clean!! You have a husband that is a psychiatrist, a stay at home wife/mother that used to be a nurse. There is a 16-ish daughter that when she catches her parents kissing, tells them to be someone younger and not her parents.

There is a 15-ish son that will need mom and dad to help pay or college because you know he isn�t going to win any scholarships, and a 12-ish son that may be a rocket scientist someday. They are a lovable enough family that manages to get through a show without cleavage, foul language or any mention of sex or drugs. (Yeah!) I highly recommend it.

I got the results of my bone density test. Of course, I have bone thinning in one hip and osteoporosis. Would you expect anything else? Damn! One year ago, I found out I had emphysema. Now, I have pulmonary hypertension, emphysema, cataracts, obesity, edema, (spell check be damned.) So to this end, I think I can claim a little bit of expertise in the area of illness and wellness. I therefore proclaim (and I am probably not the first) that smoking, drinking, non-exercising, doing drugs, and bad eating habits DO NOT cause bad health. I was fine until I started seeing doctors, therefore, DOCTORS CAUSE ILL HEALTH!

One more email to tell you. I don�t know who originally sent this out, but something tells me it was a true story:

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any
boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for
Nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching
her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie
down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.) 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a
sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Later,
Cosmic

|

yesterday's gone/tomorrow's coming

- - 2009-07-27
- - 2009-07-07
- - 2009-06-29
- - 2009-06-26
- - 2009-06-09


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