Wednesday, Jun. 06, 2007 11:34 A.M.
Possibilties Ok, First things first. I am not on a pity party any longer. I am okay now, so don't feel bad for me. BUT! Yes, Virginia, there really is a but. Terry's procedure was moved up to yesterday. We had read all the information on it. It would last approximately 90 minutes. It would cause mild discomfort. He would feel slight heat in his groin which would soon go away. This is in "most" people who have had the prodcedure. "Most" being the word of the day. Terry took a series of pills in preperation for the procedure. 2 hours before, he had to take 400mg of ibuprofen, a megadose of antibiotics, and a Detrol. One hour before, he had to take a 5mg valium. He was good to go. Lori drove him there and dropped him off. She went home to wait. The inserted the microwave and started heating it up. This is inserted into the prostate. Immediately, he started to sweat. They ended up changing is pillow 4 times. It kept getting hotter and hotter. He lasted 35 out of the 90 minutes and couldn't take the pain any longer. He said it was one of the most painful things he has ever gone through. If anyone you know has this procedure, please do not tell them this, as Terry was on of a handful of thousands who have had this reaction. We wouldn't want to scare anyone else off if they are thinking of it. It is by far a successfull and wonderful procedure for many men. Just not him. We will have to wait 6 - 12 weeks to find out if it did work at all. His doctor thinks that it may have helped to some degree, but we will have to wait. As for me? Well, I just got back from the doctor's. Though he is pleased that I am having no more cough and no more swelling, the fact that I did have it concern's him. He has scheduled me for a stress test. I told him that I was really concerned because a friend (thank's Mary For putting the idea in my head so that at least it didn't come out of nowhere when he suggested it. I am being tested for congestive heart failure. Yes, my lungs are fine, my blood pressure is fine, my everything else is fine except my breathing. So I go tomorrow for the "at rest" part and then Friday for the actual test. He asked if I could stay on the treadmill for 5 minutes. I told him I wasn't sure if I could. We will see. The other possibility is this. I have never seen a therapist. Through my mastectomy, Terry's surgeries, my caregiver days, my other surgeries and his troupbles I have stuck a smile on my face, made jokes and just sucked it all up. I didn't turn into a drunk, I didn't cry or yell or scream. It wasn't allowed. I did what I had to do, one day at a time. This could now all be ganging up on me. Sort of the proverbial straw and all that. Emotions have to go somewhere. Mine may have taken the form of anxiety disorder. I have never taken any antidepressants because they f*ck up my head. These past months, my depression has been there, but as usual, I have just figured, screw it, it will go away. It may not have. He told me that of all the anxiety disorders one could have, breathing disorders top the list. If you develope anxiety about flying, you simply don't fly. If you develope anxiety about speaking in public, you don't speak in public. But when you develop an anxiety about not being able to breath, it makes you think you are dying and the worry only serves to trigger more anxiety. See how this works? If untreated, I could virtually end up sitting 24/7 and not being able to move at all. If this is the problem. I am thinking that this is more of a possiblity that the congestive heart failure for several reasons. One is that I am only taking 20 mg of the water pill and the fluid is gone. I know of a few people with congestive heart failure that take 80 to 100 mg twice daily and still have to watch their water gain. I do have one pill that I take for antiexy of thunderstorms. That doesn't do anything to me except realax me. I am hoping that if this is indeed antiety, I can start taking them on a regular basis and it will alleviate the stress. If this works, I can throw away all the inhalers too. Then I can work on walking and moving more and get back to a healthier me. And yes, that means quitting the cigarettes. I can do it once I start feeling like there is a tomorrow to look forward to. Until then, It's not going to happen. We'll see. Again, I am not looking for pity. I know there are many out there that wre worse off than me. I know that either way, this is treatable. It is all just a matter of time. Thanks for being there for me. It means more than you can possibly know. I know this is probably loaded with typos. If so, sorry. I have no energy to correct them. I'll use spellcheck tomorrow, lol. Later,
Cosmic
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