Wednesday, Jul. 18, 2007 9:14 A.M.
The rest of the Story Okay, I now have the whole story. It ain�t pretty. Before I go on, I have to tell you this. This was not in my book, by the way. Of course not. It is too stupid to be in a book. When I was about 17, my father died. He died of emphysema at the age of 56. Mom died at 57 of Cancer of the Pancreas. We don't know what else would have emerged had she lived longer. At 17, I was told that I had the beginning stages of emphysema. I knew my grandfather had also died of it but figured he developed it from his years of working in the garage with all those exhaust fumes before they knew the dangers. I found out years later that I have the Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency gene. You have to inherit it from both parents. Evidently my mom had it too. Maybe even Grampa. 17 can be a very stupid age. I was married, just had my second child and they were telling me I had an old person�s disease. Well, those silly doctors. What did they know anyhow? I will just ignore them and it would all go away. Years later I was told that I was developing moderate emphysema. Huh? Hey! I was 35, single, working Florida resorts and having the time of my life. Silly doctors, what did they know? I had a very physical job, I walked a lot, I danced up a storm 2 or 3 nights a week and had no trouble breathing. Ignore them and they will go away. Keep those cigarettes coming. As of yesterday, I was told that this condition I have is grounds for immediate, no waiting, total disability. Yes, I can sit home and collect Social Security. Oh, there is a catch. I am probably going to be on oxygen 24 hours a day for the rest of my life. Oh, and with an infusion pump, I can be on medicine that, with the oxygen will let me live a pretty much normal life otherwise for many years. Oh, and I will lose 2/3 of my weekly money. Oh, and my kids are damned scared. Why am I telling you all this? Because I need to ask you to do me a favor. If even one of you feels the need to say how bad you feel for me, please don�t. Tell the wife of the soldier that was killed in Iraq. Tell the child of the murdered mugging victim. Tell someone who had no control over their victimization. Don�t tell me. I brought this all on myself, (well 95% of it). It is my own damn fault. I was young, I was stupid, I was selfish. I was the only one that mattered because it was my life. Well, now 35 years later, we find that I am not the only one that mattered. My family mattered. My kids mattered. But back then and even more recently, I was so stupid and arrogant that I figured it wouldn�t touch me. It will never happen. None of us are that special. Shit touches us. Again, I am not sitting here saying �Why me?� I simply realize, �Why not?� Financially we are going to be fine. It won�t effect anything important. This isn�t going to get me down, it�s just something I will have to adjust to. I don�t even know if I am going on total disability or what I am doing at this juncture. My boss has insisted I take some time off to regroup and decide how I want this to go. I may be able to work part time and keep my benefits. I hope so. Again, this is just an update. I don�t need nor deserve sympathy. I am an adult that is just facing the consequenses of my own actions. The irony in all of this is that my doctor has told me with my stress levels at an all time high right now, that quitting smoking is not advised at this time. Wait till I have a handle on this. Huh? Needless to say, there is no smoking in the house. Quitting is the only sane option that I can see. Maybe he�s using reverse psychology on me. Maybe he want�s me to prove him wrong. We all know how well THAT works out for me. Well, from 2 packs a day to 4 or 5 cigs a day for the past week is a start. I will do this. Hug someone you love and keep yourself healthy for them. They will be grateful to you for it. Oh and don�t think it can�t happen to you. It will bite you in the ass. I will be making no more mention of this situation here. If you are so inclined, feel free to email and ask how I am occasionally. If anything big happens, I will mention it, otherwise, I want to let sleeping dogs lie. Back to the silly. Back to the hardy-hars. Move along. Nothing to see here. I;ll be back really soon with a much brighter attitude. Love you guys. Later,
Cosmic
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yesterday's gone/tomorrow's coming- - 2009-07-27
- - 2009-07-07
- - 2009-06-29
- - 2009-06-26
- - 2009-06-09
MY PERSONAL HEALTH PROGRAM
� kmurray 2007 - 8
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