Wednesday, Jun. 08, 2005 8:17 P.M.
The Desk Though most of these don't of these don't apply (yet) one or two do. How about you? Some Senior Humor . . . .
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband? "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
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I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my driver's license!
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A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're darned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
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An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales?" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
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Three old guys are golfing. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
************************************* A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, finally went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby." "Really!? Like a new-born baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
Well, today was good. Lower humidity (well lower than yesterday), Pretty easy but busy workday and excellant dinner. Oldest Grandaughter went to Providence today and received her first batch of INH for her possitive TB test. She doesn't have TB, but this will insure she doesn't get it. She will have to take it for nine months. She is ok with it. She realizes even at 12 that she must take it every day. She is responsible for her age. But though she is 12 and 12 year olds have brain farts, Lori will be giving it to her and watching her take it every night. Never trust a 12 year old to be responsible when their health depends on it. In other news, Terry went to move my computer desk yesterday and he broke it. Now one would think this would upset me but it didn't. The reason? Because that morning, he told me he was going to move it about 2 feet to the right so he could put in the A/C. I would normally help him, but I told him that I would ask Lori to help instead, because it was going to break and I didn't want to be here and spaz out on him. I would have spazed because I know him. He wouldn't want to wait for me to take everything off it, so I would spaz when it started to break and I saw everything look like it was going to fly off. Lori, on the other hand, would just laugh her butt off. I went to work, Lori came over, they moved the desk and it broke. Nothing else got broken and she stood there and laughed her butt off. How did I know this would happen? I haven't a clue, but I was correct right down to the part about her laughing. So as of tomorrow when Staples arrives, I will be the proud owner of Birthday present part deux. A brand new desk! Gee, it almost makes me want him to break my kitchen set. Hehe. Well, have a great night. I'm heading north to watch some TV.
Later,
Cosmic
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